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Social Skills in Children: Supporting Connection, Play & Communication

Writer: Irene Gutierrez
Irene Gutierrez
Oct 3
4 min read

When we hear “social skills,” we sometimes think about:


“Say hi.”

“Look at me.”

“Share.”

“Take turns.”

“Say thank you.”


But social communication is much bigger than following a set of social rules.


It includes connecting with others, communicating needs, joining play, understanding different perspectives, solving communication breakdowns, setting boundaries, and knowing how to ask for help.


At Brainstorm Speech Therapy, our goal is not to teach children to perform one “correct” way of being social.


We want to help them become confident, effective communicators while respecting who they are.


Here are three ways families can support social communication naturally.



1. Join Before You Guide


Social learning happens through interaction.


Instead of immediately directing your child’s play, try joining what already has their attention.


If they’re playing with cars, sit nearby and grab a car.

If they’re building with blocks, start building too.

If they’re excited about dinosaurs for the hundredth time today… talk about dinosaurs.


You might comment:

“That one is HUGE!”

“Mine is running away!”

“Crash!”

Then pause.


You are creating opportunities for shared attention, communication, play, and connection without requiring your child to respond in a particular way.


Sometimes joining first creates more opportunities for interaction than directing the play.



2. Give Children Useful Language for Social Situations


Imagine knowing exactly what you want to communicate—but not knowing what to say.


Children experience this too.


Instead of only telling them what not to do, give them language they can actually use.


Try modeling:


💬 “Can I play?”

💬 “Can you help me?”

💬 “My turn?”

💬 “I need space.”

💬 “Stop, please.”

💬 “I’m not ready.”

💬 “Can we try again?”


These phrases can be practiced naturally during pretend play, books, games, or everyday situations.


The goal is not memorizing one “perfect” response.


The goal is giving children more communication options.


Social skills include making friends and joining play—but they also include self-advocacy, boundaries, asking for clarification, and repairing misunderstandings. ASHA includes conversation management, communication repair, perspective-taking, and peer interaction among important areas of social communication.



3. Look for Connection, Not Just Eye Contact


Eye contact is often treated as a major social skill.


But communication is much more complex than where someone is looking.


Some children listen better while looking away. Others may communicate through movement, gestures, facial expression, AAC, signs, or spoken language.


Instead of asking:

“Is my child looking at me?”

Try asking:

Are we connected?

Is your child responding?

Are they sharing something with you?

Are they communicating what they need?

Are they noticing what is happening in the interaction?


Social communication styles also vary across cultures and individuals. ASHA specifically cautions against applying one universal social standard when evaluating communication. ASHA


That distinction is especially important for bilingual, multicultural, and neurodivergent children.



Supporting social communication should not require a child to hide or suppress who they are


Supporting social communication should help a child communicate more effectively—not teach them that their natural way of communicating is wrong.


For some children, particularly neurodivergent children, constantly trying to appear socially “typical” can become the goal instead of meaningful communication.


A neurodiversity-affirming approach asks different questions:

  • Can the child communicate what they need?

  • Can they advocate for themselves?

  • Can others understand their communication?

  • Do they have strategies when communication becomes difficult?

  • Are we also teaching communication partners to understand them?


ASHA recognizes both person-centered and neurodiversity-affirming approaches and emphasizes considering individual and family preferences when developing communication goals. ASHA



What About Bilingual Children?


Social communication is also influenced by language and culture.


How children greet adults, enter conversations, use gestures, respond to authority, tell stories, or show respect can vary significantly across families and cultures.


A bilingual child should not automatically be considered to have a social communication problem because their communication differs from mainstream English expectations.


Assessment should consider the child's languages, culture, family expectations, communication partners, and environments.


Difference does not automatically mean disorder.



When Should I Talk With a Speech-Language Pathologist?


Consider speaking with an SLP if your child consistently has difficulty with areas such as:


  • joining or maintaining interactions,

  • communicating wants, ideas, or boundaries,

  • understanding language in social situations,

  • maintaining or changing conversational topics,

  • repairing communication breakdowns,

  • understanding indirect or nonliteral language,

  • navigating peer interactions,

  • or using communication successfully across everyday environments.


Social communication can involve spoken language, gestures, body language, AAC, sign language, and other forms of communication—not speech alone. ASHA


The Big Takeaway


Social skills are not about teaching children to perform perfectly.


They are about giving children more tools for connection, communication, participation, and self-advocacy.


This week, try:

💛 Joining before directing.

💛 Giving your child useful language for real social situations.

💛 Looking for meaningful connection instead of requiring one specific social behavior.



☕ This week’s Cafecito tip: There is more than one way to be a successful communicator.


Until next time!


Your Friendly Local Speech Therapist,


Irene Gutiérrez

Bilingual Speech and Language Pathologist

Founder, Brainstorm Speech Therapy


References & Additional Resources


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